The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

I don't even know if I want to discuss the home opener for the Sharks on Saturday night, but I am going to anyways. Not only did I have the WORST hangover, but the night just started out disastrous.

There I am, standing in line waiting for a slice of delicious Round Table Pizza (which tastes the equivalent of Dominos when you get it from the HP Pavilion). The nice gentleman takes my order and is about to put my pizza through the oven when all of a sudden... LIGHTS OUT. Was I was running my mouth like a typical hockey fan earlier in the night? Don't think so. Turns out that the entire arena lost it's power. So, there I was, hungover, next in line, hungry and blind. Talk about a bad combo. This lasts for EIGHT minutes. Now I realize eight minutes doesn't seem like that long, but when you are suffering like I was, it seemed like eternity.

Anyways, power is finally restored to a portion of the electrical system and to make a long story short, didn't get pizza until after the first period, the game started a half hour late and there was no pre-game anythings (National Anthem, topless women jumping on trampolines, etc etc).

The game starts and the Sharks are actually playing decently well (it was the Bruins though), but just couldn't put it in the net. It was like watching a video of yourself trying to get in a girls pants, but she just kept denying you when you start to unzip her pants (even after trying to "pad" your chances with alcohol, roofies, etc).

Bruins scored in the 1st period on some lucky rebound and then finally in the 3rd period, with 30 seconds left, the Sharks tie it up. We were all thinking, "Sick, there has only been 2 goals in the game, this is DEFIANTLY going to a shootout." Wrong, 10 seconds later some douche bag no-namer comes down and gets the slap shot of his career the somehow beats Nabby glove side.

Ugh. Typical. Pretty much sums up the way they have started the season though. Lackluster play and not producing any goals. I remember we ran into this problem last season. I think we pass TOO much. When the whole arena is yelling, "SHOOT IT!" I think maybe that's your cue to pop off a shot.

Anywho, I want to talk about one more thing that has been bothering me a bit lately besides the opposite sex. Bay Area Drivers + First Rain of the Year + Friday = Welcome to Gomer Pileville. Yes, it was that bad. I can't even try to describe the lack of braincells that were involved here. Bay Area drivers are pretty bad anyways, but you add those other two elements into it and you might as well just pull over off the side of the road. I mean OFF the shoulder, if there is a field to your right, DRIVE INTO THAT. Where does this link break in their brain...

Hi, the road is wet, you might want to NOT drive like a complete fucking toolbox like you normally do.

Love,

Brain (or lack-there-of)

Seriously, the state of California needs to start requiring IQ/English/Hand Eye Coordination Tests for drivers. They require it for flying a damn airplane and you are more likely to die on the way to the airport than actually in the plane. For Fucks Sake people, remove head from ass.

Deuces.

Division Breakdown: Southeast Division

1st Place: Carolina Hurricanes
They go from winning it all the year before last to missing the playoffs last year. Everything this team does is going to hang on one man's performance and that's Cam Ward in net. He had a ridiculously good year when they won it and last year he struggled a lot. Their defense are mostly all veterans and don't have the burst in their step anymore, but they also have some young goal scorers with Eric Staal.

2nd Place: Tampa Bay Lightning
If this team makes the playoffs, you may want to watch out. They have a lot of weakness' but they will run the scoreboard up on you if you let them. They have $51million between 3 players which eats up a lot of salary cap room. Very fun team to watch, but they have to find a solution for their weak goal tending situation if they plan on making it in.

3rd Place: Atlanta Thrashers
They made the playoffs for the first time last year, but played horrid in the 4 games they got to see before the Rangers swept them. Marian Hossa has to be a positive influence on this team. He is a in a contract year and needs to show that he is worth all the money they are paying him. If the ATL can stay on track, be looking for this team trying to sneak is 2nd place.

4th Place: Florida Panthers
The Panthers made a lot of moves this off season and they have consistently started out poorly in the season and then be strong down the stretch for the past few seasons. I think now that they have some confidence in net with Vokoun, their offensive chemistry needs to spark a lot earlier in the season to give their team a shot.

5th Place: Washington Capitals
This team is going to be real exciting to watch this year. They have Overcheckin and Nylander along with rookie Nicklas Backstrom. With Olli the Goalie in net, this team has the potential to sneak into the playoffs if everything is clicking right and some of the higher ranked teams struggle this season.

Division Breakdown: Northeast Division

The second stop on our little roller coaster of love is the almost-too-cold Northeast Division, which will be hosting the outdoor game this year in Buffalo.

1st Place: Ottawa Senators
This team is pretty much a shoe-in for the division. They went to The Dance last season and they still have the personnel to do it again this season. They picked up Fisher in the off-season who should be a great Center for the Sens. Yes, they are going to split up their big line, but I think this will work to their advantage in the long run because they will be able to wear down both defense lines. Emery will have to be on the top of his game this season for them to be a contender.

2nd Place: Buffalo Sabres
The Sabres lost a few big names this off-season with Drury going to the Rangers and Briere going to the Flyers, but I still think Vanek and Co will be able to put up decent numbers, even against opponents, more physical, first defensive lines. As long as Ryan Miller can play consistently in net, the Sabres should be into the playoffs without a hiccup.

3rd Place: Boston Bruins
This is the big slide in the division. Calling the 3rd through 5th place rankings are just too hard to call in this division due to the amount of "ifs" and injuries that occur during regular season play. With Boston being one of the Orig Six, it's kind of hard NOT to root for them somewhere deep down inside you. Even with the B's playing the Sharks at the Pavilion for our first home game, I still hope they have a turn around season. Savard is really going to need some help on offense and I don't think he will be able to turn to Sturm, who is notorious for flopping. Will someone in the younger crowd be able to step up to the plate? Another note, will Chara please show the rest of the hockey community that the B's still have some fight left in them. He had ZERO fights last season... come on bud, show everyone you guys are serious.

4th Place: Toronto Maple Leafs
Toronto added some depth this season with Jason Blake out on the Left Wing and Toskala in net. Toskala has what it takes to play with the big boys as long as his confidence level stays steady. When he gets into his up and down modes, that's when they will get in trouble. Lets just hope they don't miss the playoffs by 1 point again!

5th Place: Montreal Canadiens
The Habs made minimal moves this season, but I think Carey Price is the real deal. Paired with the Habs strong defense, he should have a breakout season, but I just don't think their offense will be able to produce even close to enough points to keep them anywhere near the chase.

And it begins...

... except this year, it began in London.

"Yes, London. You know: fish, chips, cup 'o tea, bad food, worse weather, Mary fucking Poppins... LONDON."

Which brings me to my first question upstairs right now, Why London? Not only did it trample up a bunch of useless talk about NHL expanding to Europe, to which I say, "Throw me a freakin bone here, Scott" (Hi, did we forget they are on the other side of the world?). but it provided their "fans", that don't even like hockey in the first place, a taste of something they don't deserve. How disappointed do you think the Kings and Ducks season ticket holders were to hear that the opening season would start in London? Dirty Bettman, very dirty.

The argument being, "Well, 30% of the players in the NHL are from Europe." Wow, really? That's awesome! Why wasn't the game in Sweden, Norway, Germany, Russia, Finland... you get the point! How many players do YOU know in the NHL that hail (with bad teeth and all) from the UK? That's right folks, ZERO.

To be honest, I would be a little upset if I were apart of the LA Kings or Anaheim Ducks establishments. Not only starting your season off in front of a bunch of Polo fans, but having to fly 12 hours to get to that point. If this happened in Kentucky (ooo-lala...) Oh well, go home the same day. Having to fly back 12 hours, and in the case of Anaheim, play 48 hours later takes a toll on you physically and mentally (the Kings lucked out and don't have to play again until Saturday).

The highlight of both games weren't the amazing skill sets that Europeans never get to see live, it wasn't the amazing display of goal tending by the rookie goalies... no, it was the useless fight between Scott Thornton and George Parros. Bettman, tell the truth, how much did you pay these guys to brawl AT CENTER ICE (wow, that's a shocker)?

As I come to the conclusion of my long winded rant, I just want to make one request for next season... Can the Sharks please travel to the other plague of Europe, France, to face their National team. I will even suit up as an enforcer for the Sharks, but I'm sure the outcome would end like France's war record with another loss, except this time Britain won't be there to bail you out!

Deuces Out.

Division Breakdown: Atlantic

With the NHL season exactly 22 hours away, I figured I would do like any mediocre journalist would do and write my pre-season predictions for this NHL season.

First stop, the Atlantic division.

1st Place: New York Rangers
With the amazing acquisitions of Gomez and Drury in the offseason, the Rangers will be the force in deep east to be reckoned with. Early reports said that Gomez's speed and explosiveness would compliment Jagr's play style, but recently Head Coach Renney paired Jagr with the more methodical play of Drury. Keep a close eye on who gets paired with who during the regular season because that, coupled with how good King Henrik is in net, will determine if the Rangers can pull through the Atlantic this year.

2nd Place: Pittsburgh Penguins
Syd the Kid is coming off 120 point season and with the addition of Petr Sykora flanking Sydney's right side now, these Pens will be a fun team to watch and are probably the most dangerous team on the power play. I don't know if Fleury is a good enough goaltender to put the Pens in first in the Atlantic, but if he does step it up (we've seen him do it before), watch out... this team may just go beyond the Eastern Conference Finals.

3rd Place: Philadelphia Flyers
After the Flyers appalling season (22-48-12) last year, there was only 1 way to go, Up. The city of brotherly love shelled out some cash-money-hoes in the off-season to sign Briere to an 8 year, $52million dollar contract. He will play on the line, dubbed "KGB", with Gagne and Knubble. They also added veteran defenseman Timonen from Nashville and right winger Lupul from Edmonton. I still think it won't be until next season that this team meshes together. Also, goaltending is in question. Can Martin Biron be the go to guy all season?

4th Place: New Jersey Devils
The only reason I put them ahead of New York Islanders is because the Devils have been known for a very structural (and boring) game. And of course you add in the Marty Brodeur factor and you can't be THAT bad.

5th Place: New York Islanders
No scorers, crappy defense, need I say more? Goal tending will be put to the test, but this is defiantly a rebuilding year for the Islanders, who are not going to get ANY help from their fans either after Rangers just picked up Gomez and Drury. They offered Ryan Smyth a bigger contract than Colorado did and he still with the Avs.

"Mic check, is this thing on?"

Gooooooooooooood Morninnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng VIETNAM!

I decided to write this article because I notice that a few people (coughstevescotttarieljenkrissymichaelcough) don’t know much about hockey, let alone fantasy hockey. I want the league to be close, along with everyone having a blast doing it. In order for this to happen, I will try to educate you a little bit. You will find in the content below, players to keep and eye on and who to stay away from. Most of the players are undrafted in our league (I think there is 1 or 2 on the NOT list, that are on teams).

I’ll be splitting this up into a few different articles. This week I covered C, RW and LW that may be sleepers. When I get around to it, I will cover Defense and Goalies. Then I will attempt to go over a few teams to keep and eye on and a few to stay away from.

Side note: As I sit here eating a wrap, finishing up this article I started last night during a few glasses of wine I notice we have around 1 day, 22 hours, 9 minutes and 10 seconds (roughly) until the start of the Regular Season. Yay.

Center-

You have tons of options with this spot. If your centers aren’t producing, you have a million other options. This season has a lot of high calibur and skillful “centre’s” to choose from.

Who’s HOT:

Petr Sykora – Pit: I’m going to kick myself in the ass for tipping you guys off to this one, but this is Syd the Kid’s center. He had 53 points last year with the Oilers, which isn’t too bad considering the Oilers were bad last year. After he recovers from the broken nose he suffered this preseason, look for him feeding Sydney all night long.

Peter Forsberg – Nsh: I would just keep an eye on him until he decides what he is going to do this season. Since he is UFA (Unsigned Free Agent), he will probably sit out until around January and then sign with a team that wants to put up the big bucks down the stretch. Yes, he is getting a little old, but the guy is still a MACHINE (as you saw during the playoffs last season when the Preds were at the Shark Tank).

Mikko Koivu – Minn: The Wild aren’t looking too bad actually. They don’t have a real explosive division which will give this 25 year old some room to work his magic. Last year he posted 54 points, but got some off season help take away from teams concentrating on him.

Tim Connolly – Buf: He missed all last year due to a leg injury, but a lot of people think this will be a breakout year for him if he can stay healthy. Buffalo lost Drury and Briere in the offseason, but they still have Vanek and company that will move from Line 2 to Line 1 and that leaves Line 2 open to Connolly and Pominville. If Connolly gets Pominville the puck, he will score against teams 2^nd defensive lines.

Who’s NOT:

Bill Guerin – NYI: Yes, he was a Shark last season. Yes, he netted 36 goals last season, but WHO exactly is going to get him the puck this season? Also, add in the pressure of becoming the Captain of your brand new team that is not going to have much fan support with Rangers just picking up Drury and Gomez. Sorry bud, I just smell disaster.

Sergei Fedorov – Cls: RETIRE ALREADY GRANDPA!

Right Wing-

Who’s HOT:

Brad Boyes – StL : The kid is going to be good this year. StLoo is probably one of the most under rated teams right now. Look for him to start putting up some big numbers around November when he gets into his groove.

Jason Pominville – Buf: If his line mate Tim Connolly can stay healthy and feed him the puck all season, look for a 70+ point season.

Nikolai Zherdev – Cls: Oozing with talent and he is just waiting for his time to shine. Lets hope he doesn’t turn into the next Alexei Kovalev.

Who’s NOT:

Todd Bertuzzi – Anh: First and foremost, this guy is possibly the BIGGEST douchebox in the NHL. Bad back, back attitude and bad influence on his teammates.

Alexei Kovalev – Habs: Possibly the most skillful player in the league, but his big problem is…. Dun-dun-dun, he hardly ever shows up to play. I only see him producing about 40 points this year. (He does have a really cool hockey video out though. If you want to see it, ask me in the office).

Left Wing-

This is by far the hardest position to pick people up late in because once all the good players are gone, the downward hill to bad players is steep.

Who’s HOT:

Dustin Brown – LA: Kings aren’t looking spectacular this year and he might be a long shot, but it is a contract year for him and he just may break through with a 60+ point season.

Sergei Samsonov – Chi: Another 4^th year player. This is the year he is either going to shine or drop back to the AHL.

Antoine Vermette – Ott: Watch out this year for this guy. He has RIDIC wheels and a scorers touch too. Coach John Paddock has stated he will be giving him a chance on the scoring line with Heatley and Spezza. Diamond in the rough?

Marcel Hossa – NYR: Hello Mr. Gomez, Hello Mr. Jagr, how are my new line mates doing on this glorious afternoon in NYC? He may not be as good as his brother, Marian, but he if you can’t produce on THAT line, WOW…

Who’s NOT:

Ruslan Fedotenko – NYI: He couldn’t get the job done on a STUD line in Tampa Bay, what would change on a chump line in New York? Nothing.

Marco Sturm – Bos: 224 shots on goal last season (led the league), 27 goals. Need I say more?

Hope this helps everyone out a bit. Tell me what you thought! Go Sharks (especially Thornton :P)

Dueces. Out.